you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
