I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
we should paint friendship bongs
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