I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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