You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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