i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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