He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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