Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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