You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
