Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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