First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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