Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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