Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
