Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
