So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
