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My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
True college students do jello shots in the library
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