This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
