Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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