Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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