Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
