Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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