"it" just moved
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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