it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
