During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
