My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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