this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
