Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
