One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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