Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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