The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
