I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
