Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
