he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
