I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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