Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
