I think I died a long time ago.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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