so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Actions speak louder than pants.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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