u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
