Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
