Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
