And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
