I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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