I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
