babies were throwing up all over the place
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
