My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
