just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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