Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
