Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
