I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
