There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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