I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
