Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
