So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
