i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
