dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
