It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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