he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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