my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
